Love, as I see it.

If any of you read my blog at all last year, you know I was head over heels in love for the first time and you also know how devastated I was when it ended. Those of you who know me personally, you know how broken up I was about this and I want to say something about that; I don’t think I really knew what love was then. Sure I saw myself married to this man and “our” house and kids, I saw everything and I think that was our problem. I was so caught up in tomorrow that today was just in my way and I believe it was the same for ‘Sir, whom I loved’ to borrow a phrase. Our relationship never existed in the here and now but always in an ideal we both had of this perfect life we were going to have. You will remember, Iwaya especially, me saying I would be broken if this ended and indeed I was but the point I am trying to make here is that if this hadn’t happened, there is no way, in a million years, I would be as happy as I am now. Being in love and being heart broken taught me to truly love, to live in the love. And I tell you there is no better feeling than that of knowing this moment is awesome, this moment is (I hate to say it and sound corny) precious. Imagine a lifetime of precious moments, I know it’s hard, joy overload, we are not conditioned for so much happiness but I say to you, embrace it. (I’m starting to sound decidedly odd.)

Love is odd, indefinable, but the late night texts on my way home up till I get there making it feel like he is right there, that is my definition. Writing this while smiling the whole time, defines it. Being able to be my own person aside from him yet having him be such an integral part of me, defines it. Laughing at terrible jokes together but also discussing the identity crisis of a trans-gendered infant, defines it. I know, I know it could not be more right.

Carpe Diem, my friends. It’s worth it.